Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Dorm Survey

Seriously, how fun is it to fill out those dorm surveys? I had the opportunity to do so on Monday night and I took full advantage of it. You may think I'm joking but I don't think I've ever been more truthful on this blog than right now.
 The first page on the survey was asking about "active bystanding." Obviously if you read my column about the campus assaults you know I have strong feelings about this topic. But I fail to see how living in my dorm has taught me anything about active bystanding... because I already learned everything about it in fucking middle school.
 Why the fuck do these dorms try to waste our time (and money) by trying to "teach" us this stupid bullshit about things that we learned in 7th grade? I decided I wasn't going to bullshit my answers like 90% of people who say "I learned not to let my friends get away with racist jokes or I broke up a fight." No you didn't so shut the fuck up and give me a break. On my survey, when answering a question about what I have learned about active bystanding from living in my dorm I wrote something along the lines of:
"Nothing. I learned about active bystanding before college. It should be common sense for people our age and if they are too immature to realize this a this point  they probably never will. I'm sorry, but this is true. It is just a waste of time."
If I come off as sounding like a douche, I understand and I don't give a fuck. It is all bullshit! I just want to live in a room and be left the fuck alone so I can study and get drunk. Stop trying to teach me bullshit, that is what classes are for.
Speaking of getting drunk...
The last page of the survey was on my favorite subject: alcohol. So after saying how great my RA is for not constantly bugging the shit out of me I got to learn a little more about  my drinking habits. I will now share them with you:

I drink alcohol: yes
How many nights a week do you party: 3 (I consider drinking in my room by myself a party.)
When at a party, how many alcoholic drinks do you usually have? A drink is considered to be a 12 oz beer, 4 oz wine or a shot of liquor:  7-8 (Keyword is party. They didn’t specify pre-gaming or numerous parties in a night. I'm very observant. Although, I wish I answered the max on these.)
How many drinks in a week: 16-20 (I have no idea so I put the 2nd highest. I mean I'm not an alcoholic.)
During this school year, how many times have you experienced the following due to YOUR drinking:
  • Had a hangover: 2 (Don’t ask how, some people are just less susceptible)
  • Peformed poorly on a test or project: 0 (I separate work from play.)
  • Been in trouble: 0 (I'm the fucking New Hampshirite... knock on wood.)
  • Got into argument or fight: 0 (Not counting debates. Arguments and debates are different.)
  • Missed a class: 0 (Although once I was drunk in class.)
  • Had memory loss: I put 3, but I really don't remember...
  • Did something I later regretted: 0 (Last year I started this blog.)
  • Been hurt or injured: 0 (not physically...)
Personally I was a little upset there weren't similar questions involving weed...

Stay classy, not UMassy.


  1. Dude... you lied. You said you'd never been physically injured. Are you conveniently forgetting the night I punched you in the balls?? (albeit making contact with your body was accidental, I only meant to fake it... but depth perception was off)

  2. haha, I forgot about that... yeah... That fucking hurt for like 3 days you asshole, accident or not. Although, it wasn't my drunkenness that caused that injury.

  3. Was it not? Had you been sober it may have been another story.

  4. Your "multiple party" rule doesn't really apply. When you say you have 7-8 "drinks" per party and party 3 nights a week but you only have 16-20 drinks per week? Math just isn't there buddy.
    P.S. UNH cops don't give a shit who you are.

  5. Drinking by yourself in your room isn't a party, man. That's alcoholism.